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Tips for Educators

Teachers, school counselors, and other educators are in a unique position to help children who have experience a death in the family. Ideally, parents and educators can function as partners in the child’s well-being at school. The following suggestions are intended to provide some guidance in being a helpful resource for children and their families facing this challenge.

For Parents

If your family has experiencing death, communication with your child’s teacher(s) is important to ensure that your desires and concerns for your child are being addressed in a way that works for both you and school faculty and staff.  At the elementary school level, contact your child’s teacher to arrange a time when you can discuss what is happening in your family and outline what information your child has and any behavioral or emotional concerns you may have.  At the middle and high school levels, your student’s guidance counselor or homeroom teacher may be an appropriate contact within the school.  Please contact your school’s office with any questions.

For School Personnel

Communicate with Parents

Ideally, parents will initiate contact with you to inform you of their family’s circumstances and express any desires or concerns they may have regarding their child.  Reaching out upon to parents upon learning of a serious illness or death in the family of one your students helps school faculty and staff join with parents to assist children as they process their grief.

  • If you notice significant changes in a child’s behavior or school performance, contact the parent and inquire about any circumstances that might be affecting the child.
  • If a parent notifies you that a family member has been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, try to meet with the parent in person to discuss their situation and their child’s needs.
  • Learn what the child has been told, and what information the parent is willing to have shared with other school personnel and/or students.  Remember that children come from many different cultural and spiritual backgrounds and their family may have input on how death is discussed with their child.
  • Inquire about any changes the parent has noticed in the child’s functioning, and any concerns the parent has about the child.
  • Share your observations of the child, and discuss how best to handle any problems or concerns that arise at school.
  • Ask the parent to keep you informed, and/or ask if they would mind if you contacted them periodically.

Be supportive to the student

  • When appropriate, include the child in your meeting with the parent.
  • Invite the child to talk with you if needed – then be available and practice active listening skills if the child seeks you out.
  • Work with the child to develop a plan for addressing problems or concerns.
  • Maintain normal rules and routines, being careful not to single the child out for special treatment, but allowing some flexibility to meet his or her needs.
  • Be sensitive to material in the curriculum and the classroom that may impact the child, and help the class to process these issues thoughtfully.
  • If the class is aware of the student’s situation, consider setting aside a small amount of time for classmates to create a card, poem, or letter for the student (sympathy cards, get well soon cards, etc.).
  • Depending on the family’s wishes, you may want to inform parents of the other children in your class of the death in case their children have questions or concerns.

Please call Ele’s Place if you have any questions about this information.

How Teachers and Schools Can Help

School faculty and staff spend a significant amount of time with our children and are uniquely equipped to partner with parents and guardians in supporting children after a death of a family member or close friend.  Because their level of involvement with a child may vary by age, it is important that parents communicate with teachers and administration regarding the death, the child’s level of knowledge and involvement about the death and the person, any behavioral changes that have been noted after the death, and any desires, within reason, that parents would like accommodated by the school.  Parents may find benefit in attending one of Ele’s Place’s parent groups for support as they navigate the issues of caring for a grieving child.

Tips for Teachers and Other School Personnel

Please note that these tips are not one-fit-all.  Be sure to communicate with parents if you have any concerns regarding one of your students. 

  • Communicate early and often with the child’s parent or guardian
  • Prepare the child’s classmates by telling them about the death, allowing time for them to talk about their own feelings and losses, and brainstorming ways to help the child
  • Send a note home with all classmates informing parents of the death and your plan for addressing it in the classroom.
  • Acknowledge the child’s loss
  • Let the child know that you are available to listen, and make time to listen if the child wants to talk
  • Allow the child to leave the room when he or she is overwhelmed – provide a safe space
  • Allow for visits to the school nurse, calls home, etc. if the child needs those reassurances
  • Maintain routines and rules in the classroom
  • Be prepared to provide extra help or adjust your expectations somewhat for the grieving child
  • Allow and encourage physical outlets
  • Be aware that holidays and anniversaries may be especially difficult for the child.  Plan for how you can help the child acknowledge the loss.
  • Encourage parents to inform their child’s subsequent teachers of the loss
  • Nurture the emotional intelligence of your students by identifying feelings and encouraging empathy
  • Acknowledge and commemorate all losses that occur in the classroom or school community
  • Integrate loss and grief concepts into the curriculum
  • Provide books that deal with loss issues and feeling

How many of your students are touched by grief?

The US Census suggests that 1 in 20 children will experience the death of a parent by the time they reach the age of 18.  Further, 9 out of 10 children will experience the death of a family member or close friend by the time they graduate high school.  Further studies by the JAG Institute indicate that 1 in 12 children in Michigan will experience the death of a       parent or sibling by age 18 (higher than the national average of 1 in 15).  In Michigan, that means that over 2 million children and teenagers will have experience death before they reach adulthood.

Professional literature suggests that unaddressed grief may lead to poor academic and social performance:

“In varying degrees, bereaved students may see themselves as helpless in coping with a loss which can result in increased episodes of daydreaming, withdrawing from peers, and decrease in academic performance.”

–R.G. Stevenson, Ed.D., 1994

Students grieving the death of someone close to them can experience:

  • Regressive behaviors
  • Changes in grades
  • Concentration difficulties
  • Withdrawal
  • Impulsive and high-risk behaviors
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Mood Swings

-Children’s Grief Education Association

Additional resources:

“After a Suicide: A Toolkit for Schools.”