The Carr Family Story
The date September 23, 2014 will always be remembered by Tammi Carr as the day that forever changed her perspective on life and what is truly important. That day, she and her husband Jason took their three-year-old son, Chad, for an MRI after a fall. The MRI was thought to be routine, perhaps to confirm a concussion, and the Carrs were told it would only take a couple of hours: not to worry. However, after three and a half hours, worry began to set in, and when they saw the look in the anesthesiologist’s eye after the test was finished, they knew nothing was routine. They were told that they had found something, and that something was a brain tumor.
While Tammi and Jason’s first reaction to this diagnosis was to fight and win against this cancerous tumor and help Chad do the same, they were informed the tumor was Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma (or DiPG): inoperable with a zero percent survival rate and less than one year to live. Considering this horrific diagnosis, the Carrs chose to make as many memories as possible for Chad and his brothers, CJ and Tommy, whom Chad loved with every ounce of his being. For the next fourteen months, the boys and their parents spent every possible moment together while pushing Chad’s doctors to think outside of the box, sharing their story with anyone who would listen to bring awareness to this awful disease. Chad took his final breath on November 23, 2015, while in Tammi’s arms. She says, “That is a moment I relive over and over in my head. It is something I think about every day and likely will for the rest of my life. It is a moment that no parent should ever have to go through.”
After Chad died, his family was left in turmoil; so much of the last 14 months had been spent caring for their littlest boy. They had, of course, worried about CJ and Tommy while Chad was fighting DiPG: how much to share with them, how they were dealing with mom and dad not being as present and how they would react when Chad was finally gone. With that reality now staring them in the face, Tammi’s first thoughts turned to their church and Ele’s Place. They needed to find their way back to healing as a family.
The need for help for her boys and her family made a difficult call to Ele’s Place a necessity. While she and Jason understood the pain of losing Chad, it was hard for them to know what CJ and Tommy were really feeling about their brother’s death. They talked about Chad often, but the boys never really wanted to share too much, out of fear of upsetting their parents or making their mom cry.
Ele’s Place became a comfort for the whole family. CJ was quickly convinced when he ran into another boy on their first night who he knew from sports. Having a friendly face who was dealing with a similar loss made it easy to join his group at Ele’s Place. Tommy was a little harder to convince, but he kept attending with his family and eventually became comfortable with his group and enjoyed his time. And when Tammi asked him about what had happened in his group one night, and he responded, “What happens at Ele’s Place, stays at Ele’s Place,” she knew he was convinced. Jason and Tammi were able to attend the Child Loss adult group, and meet and share with others who had experienced the death of a child. This opportunity gave them the chance to engage with other couples who were further in their grief journey and, hopefully, provide support to those who came behind them. Family nights during the summer were transformational for their family: being able to talk about Chad openly and together and sharing memories of him and their family.
Tammi and Jason wanted to be cautious as their children journeyed through grief, not wanting to push them to talk if they weren’t ready or were not able to name their feelings. Ele’s Place provides the boys and their family an opportunity to be surrounded by others who were experiencing similar feelings. As Tammi remembers, “During a time when there were very few shining moments, Ele’s Place was one.”
Less than two years out from Chad’s death, the Carr family is doing as well as can be expected. When asked how they are doing, Tammi always replies that they are taking it one day at a time. As a family, they talk about Chad often and have created a foundation, ChadTough, in his honor, allowing them to focus on building something positive out of their tragedy. Jason and Tammi feel that CJ and Tommy are their two blessings left on this earth, and they have a special guardian angel watching over them. Tammi expresses the gratitude her family has for Ele’s Place: “We are so thankful that Ele’s Place was there to help us take care of them when we were having a hard time figuring out how to just take care of ourselves. We will be forever grateful, and we will always be an Ele’s Place family.”
The Carr family. Photograph recovered from the supplied annual appeal.