Resource Hub · Explaining Suicide
Talking With Children
About Suicide.
Conversation guidance for families who may not be directly affected by a suicide, but wish to discuss the subject with their child.
A Little Time.
A Listening Ear.
An Open Conversation.
Suicide is a topic often surrounded by silence and shame; it is hard for most adults to understand and even harder to explain to children. However, if parents don’t talk to their children about suicide, their children may hear about it elsewhere and may get inaccurate or confusing information.
We believe that children can cope with difficult situations as long as they can talk about it openly with their parents or guardians. Children work hard to make sense out of their world, and adults can help them with that task by providing information and reassurance. An unknown can easily cause apprehension even for adults, and it is important to provide age-appropriate, concrete information for children to enable them to prevent imaginations and minds from over-thinking and creating distress in addition to their bereavement.
The following guidelines are intended for families who may not be directly affected by a suicide, but who wish to talk about this subject with their child. Click on any of the below to read in further detail.
Talking Calmly
01 · CONVERSATION GUIDANCE
Children look to you for cues and will pick up on your discomfort. They will benefit from your ability and willingness to help them understand. As with any death, it is okay to show emotion to a child, and it is okay to verbalize what they are feeling. E.g., “I am very sad that your loved one died, and it is okay to be sad,” or “It seems like you are angry because they died. Would you like to talk about that?” Like many adults, children feel validated when they learn that their emotions are acceptable and legitimate.
Explaining the Word
02 · CONVERSATION GUIDANCE
Suicide means that a person did something to end their own life and died. Use simple words that fit your child’s age. Pause so they can ask questions or tell you what they understood.
Linda Goldman, in her book Breaking the Silence, defines suicide for children as follows: “Suicide is when people decide they do not want their body to work anymore and they stop their body from working. They are so, so sad or so, so angry or so, so depressed that their mind becomes mixed up. They forget they can get help. There is always another way.”
At Ele’s Place, we say that a person “died by suicide.” When talking with a child, use the person’s name or the words the child uses for them.
Understanding Depression
03 · CONVERSATION GUIDANCE
Depression is an illness that can affect how a person feels and thinks. People with depression can get help and feel better. A death by suicide can have many contributing factors. If a child asks why someone died, it is okay to say, “I don’t know all the reasons. What have you been wondering about?” If this was someone in the child’s life, reassure the child that nothing they said or did caused the death.
Help & Other Choices
04 · CONVERSATION GUIDANCE
Children may worry about what will happen when someone they care about feels sad. Ask what worries them and give an answer you can stand behind. You might say, “When I need help, I can talk to another adult or my doctor. Who would you like to talk to when something feels hard?” Let your child know they can come back with more questions. If you or your child are experiencing depression, a health care professional can help.
Sharing Your Beliefs
05 · CONVERSATION GUIDANCE
If your family holds religious or spiritual beliefs about what happens after death, share those beliefs in a comforting, age-appropriate way, while listening openly to your child’s questions and feelings.