Resource Hub · Educators
Understanding Grief.
Supporting Students.
Guidance for school professionals supporting grieving children and teens.
A Student.
A Classroom.
A Community.
Teachers, school counselors, and other educators are in a unique position to help children who have experienced a death in the family. Ideally, parents and educators can function as partners in the child’s well-being at school. The following suggestions are intended to provide some guidance in being a helpful resource for children and their families facing this challenge.
If your family has experienced a death, communication with your child’s teacher(s) is important to ensure that your desires and concerns for your child are being addressed in a way that works for both you and school faculty and staff. At the elementary school level, contact your child’s teacher to arrange a time when you can discuss what is happening in your family and outline what information your child has and any behavioral or emotional concerns you may have. At the middle and high school levels, your student’s guidance counselor or homeroom teacher may be an appropriate contact within the school. Please contact your school’s office with any questions.
Ideally, parents will initiate contact with you to inform you of their family’s circumstances and express any desires or concerns they may have regarding their child. Reaching out to parents upon learning of a serious illness or death in the family of one of your students helps school faculty and staff join with parents to assist children as they process their grief.
- If you notice significant changes in a child’s behavior or school performance, contact the parent and inquire about any circumstances that might be affecting the child.
- If a parent notifies you that a family member has been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, try to meet with the parent in person to discuss their situation and their child’s needs.
- Learn what the child has been told, and what information the parent is willing to have shared with other school personnel and/or students. Remember that children come from many different cultural and spiritual backgrounds and their family may have input on how death is discussed with their child.
- Inquire about any changes the parent has noticed in the child’s functioning, and any concerns the parent has about the child.
- Share your observations of the child, and discuss how best to handle any problems or concerns that arise at school.
- Ask the parent to keep you informed, and/or ask if they would mind if you contacted them periodically.
- When appropriate, include the child in your meeting with the parent.
- Invite the child to talk with you if needed – then be available and practice active listening skills if the child seeks you out.
- Work with the child to develop a plan for addressing problems or concerns.
- Maintain normal rules and routines, being careful not to single the child out for special treatment, but allowing some flexibility to meet his or her needs.
- Be sensitive to material in the curriculum and the classroom that may impact the child, and help the class to process these issues thoughtfully.
- If the class is aware of the student’s situation, consider setting aside a small amount of time for classmates to create a card, poem, or letter for the student (sympathy cards, get well soon cards, etc.).
- Depending on the family’s wishes, you may want to inform parents of the other children in your class of the death in case their children have questions or concerns.
Please call Ele’s Place if you have any questions about this information.
School faculty and staff spend a significant amount of time with our children and are uniquely equipped to partner with parents and guardians in supporting children after a death of a family member or close friend. Because their level of involvement with a child may vary by age, it is important that parents communicate with teachers and administration regarding the death, the child’s level of knowledge and involvement about the death and the person, any behavioral changes that have been noted after the death, and any desires, within reason, that parents would like accommodated by the school. Parents may find benefit in attending one of Ele’s Place’s parent groups for support as they navigate the issues of caring for a grieving child.
Every student grieves differently. If you have concerns about a student, reach out to their parent or caregiver.
- Communicate early and often with the child’s parent or guardian
- Prepare the child’s classmates by telling them about the death, allowing time for them to talk about their own feelings and losses, and brainstorming ways to help the child
- Send a note home with all classmates informing parents of the death and your plan for addressing it in the classroom.
- Acknowledge the child’s loss
- Let the child know that you are available to listen, and make time to listen if the child wants to talk
- Allow the child to leave the room when he or she is overwhelmed – provide a safe space
- Allow for visits to the school nurse, calls home, etc. if the child needs those reassurances
- Maintain routines and rules in the classroom
- Be prepared to provide extra help or adjust your expectations somewhat for the grieving child
- Allow and encourage physical outlets
- Be aware that holidays and anniversaries may be especially difficult for the child. Plan for how you can help the child acknowledge the loss.
- Families can let their child’s next teacher know that someone in their child’s life died and share what they would like the teacher to know.
- Nurture the emotional intelligence of your students by identifying feelings and encouraging empathy
- Acknowledge and commemorate all losses that occur in the classroom or school community
- Integrate loss and grief concepts into the curriculum
- Provide books that deal with loss issues and feelings
The US Census suggests that 1 in 20 children will experience the death of a parent by the time they reach the age of 18. Further, 9 out of 10 children will experience the death of a family member or close friend by the time they graduate high school. According to the 2026 Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model (CBEM) report by Judi’s House / JAG Institute, 1 in 11 children in Michigan (9.4%, or nearly 199,000 youth) will experience the death of a parent or sibling by age 18 (compared with the national average of 1 in 12).
Professional literature suggests that unaddressed grief may lead to poor academic and social performance:
“In varying degrees, bereaved students may see themselves as helpless in coping with a loss which can result in increased episodes of daydreaming, withdrawing from peers, and decrease in academic performance.”
–R.G. Stevenson, Ed.D., 1994
- Regressive behaviors
- Changes in grades
- Concentration difficulties
- Withdrawal
- Impulsive and high-risk behaviors
- Sleep disturbances
- Mood Swings
-Children’s Grief Education Association
Additional resources:
Bring the Conversation to Your School.
Explore Ele’s Groups in Schools or request an information session for your team.